saya tak faham..

kenapa perlu saya beremosi.

kenapa saya perlu cemburu.

kenapa saya selalu bersikap sebegini.

kenapa saya perlu pikir perkara2 yang merumitkan.

kenapa SAYA yang sering merumitkan keadaan.

kenapa saya boleh jadi macam ini.

saya tak faham.

selfish

children can be selfish.

why?

we rebel when parents trying to protect us.
we don't listen when they give advices.
we talk back when at times we shouldn't
we sigh when they asked us a few favors.
we make faces when they starts to bebel.


parents. on the other hand.

tried their hardest to give whats best.
never get tired of us.
just had to give advices wishing that we won't make mistakes like they did.
just want to protect their "babies".


but sometimes these never-tiring-love could lead to suffocation.

a suffocation that we should bare and appreciate.
and never take for granted.

run, stop, relax.

something we are so use to doing, suddenly stop.
what should we do?

will we be running amok?
will everything go haywire?

perhaps we should slow down and look at the rainbow.
right after the rain.
perhaps we should stop and feel the light breeze.
of a calm evening.

it will be hard at first but please.
dont be despair.
everything will work out eventually.

paranoia

ok. finished muet just a week ago.
i think i did ok. hahahahaha!
why? i guess its been a loooong time since i answered multiple choice questions.
a bit slow. in choosing. *nervous laugh*

*WARNING*
these thoughts are just thoughts, not more than a selfish brat expressing what she feels at the moment.. this will subside. eventually. hah!
proceed at own risk.

lately.
ive becoming more and more paranoid.
talked with my "sahabat" (die tak bg panggil best friend, "sbb laki n pompuan tak leh jd best friends." whatev, syg gak die.)
anyways, i talked to him bout this problem of mine.
and you know what he said?
he too had this problem when he was in a relationship before.
the weird thing is, this is coming from a guy. a guy being paranoid.
its just unreal.

to me.
1. (most) guys are not sensitive.
2. they do not think of their girls' feeling (if they have one that is.)
3. they only think of themselves first. then what/whoevers on the list.
4. they spend ONLY for themselves FIRST. and IF they have some to spare, then only they will spend on you. but that happen after he debated with himself whether its worth it spending on you.
5. they will use what ever excuse to get away.
6. they said that girls are complicated.
7. they break promises and gets away with it.


haha.
am i too nagative?
i know i cant label all male homosapiens like that. but.
theres a but!

i know a few guys who are nice.
who respect women.
who are aware and sensitive of their surroundings.
who know what to do with their lives.
had planned everything in order. if it doesnt happen, they'll make it happen.
who are not perverts.
who knows how to be a gentleman without faking it.

but sayang. these few guys are all taken.
or. i havent found him yet.
haha.

so women are complicated creatures?
we think more than we should?

well.. i think that can be applied from person to person.
but.
i guess. im one of the paranoias. sigh.


please tell me how to get reed this disease.

Friends?

Recent events have led me to write these thoughts.
Could also be my insecurities.


Friends.
Pal.
Buddy.
Companion.
Acquaintance.
Comrade.
Ally.
Associate.
These are the synonyms from the word "friend".

Sometimes you can’t live without them
Sometimes you just can’t stand them!
Sometimes you need them.
Sometimes you just don’t want them at all!

We become close because of time spent together.
Because of space that was provided to us.
Because of enjoying one's company.

But sometimes it can be annoying.
With one’s attitude, habits and actions.

But we still need them.
We still need their company.

What for?

To feel secure that you have something/someone to lean on?
To hate? To look down upon? To envy? Or to admire?

Backstabbing, misunderstanding, badmouthing
Are the little things I hate that maybe tagged along “friendship”
Not to say I am clean from it.
But will try hard not to succumb to it easily.

Seeing people got hurt because of friends.
Because of trusting so easily and got hurt so hard.
Losing the care and love.
Sometimes its even harder than losing a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Yes. Because of those terms:
“Friends forever”
“Friends for life”

And when these ties were broken based on misunderstanding, envious or just because.
It hurts as bad as being shot/stab at the chest for times can’t be counted.

Name calling will be one of the things happen after “the break”

Amazing how people can change when they have "allies".
Not just from good to bad,
But also from bad to good.

Friends are influences.
In life.
In making choices.

Even though one is not close.

Then what about peer pressure?
What about it?
Trying to please/impress a certain crowd.
Trying to meet their “requirements” to be associated with them?
For self-assurance of acceptance?
Then, i guess. Friends could be peer pressure?

But there ARE friendship that lasts a lifetime.
That gives one the strength to stay alive.
That gives the support they need.
To be happy.
So.. Friend is power?
Love?

I’ve seen best friends become enemies. That lastly hates each others guts.
But then there’s enemies who becomes soul mates. Who accepts one's weaknesses and strengths and compromised.
And total strangers understood one another for a cause they believed in.

The course of meeting, understanding and caring could be short.
Could take a whole life.
But if one wants the friendship to last.
One has to work for it. Nurture it. Trust it.
Or.
Not.

Then again.
What IS friend?