yet again

i yet again disappointed you.

Yowzer!

I cant believe i'm starting to miss the good ol' studying days.

where you can just hang the whole day when class got canceled.
buat kerja/homework/take home test/assignments/projects, all at the last minute.
where you just "had" to cheat so you could pass the pop quiz.

I miss the time when I could discuss just about anything with Sabrina, nurul and yana.
About life, family, being lazy, bitching over zuzu, ehm-ehm and college's education system, laughed hard over stupid jokes, trying to smoke shisha but couldnt (i failed hard yo!), touching each others boobies, calling each other t*t*k, lepaking and last minute revising at McD, gaga over tie, late nights at PakLi, discovering yuna and other cool musicians, karaoke-ing after last paper..
OMG. It was just too much.

and im missing it.

working life has taken too much of my time.
love the pay but..
its exhausting kan? im even out of ideas to put title for this entry! XP
now, its even harder to pick clothes to wear for work.
and looking forward for the clock to strike 6pm.
im bad.
a bad employee.

oh well, what to do.
life must go on.
we are all grown up.
we have to grow up eventually.
except occasionally. hehe.

next stop: CFA
kene buka buku balik.
yeay!

Goodbye 1st half 2009

The entry I posted on 23rd January 2009 was an immature one.

The title itself screams immaturity, childish and selfish.

Half year of 2009 has passed.

A lot had happened.

Learnt a lot too.

Interneship,
got 4 new kittens, insurance, meetings,
2 kittens missing, convocation,
left brownie and blackie (kittens), continued working, real estate,
brownie went for surgery, court, looked for properties, sold properties,
family gatherings, not guilty, spring cleaning, room still messy,
friends got married, friends got pregnant, friends safely lahirkan anak,
fandom, etc.

And with these experiences, I am thankful and glad that I am still alive.

Time has past so quickly.

Farewell first half of 2009. Hello July 2009 and months to come.

Happiness' not gonna stay

And thus stupidity comes into the picture.

Happiness likes to stop by.
rub it in.
lets you glow.
lets you float.

and then BAM!!
it left. runaway.

no letters, not even little notes.
no news.
no message.
nada.

An emotional wreck without any reason is stupid.
and therefore i'm stupid.

please excuse this excruciatingly shallow post.
just wanted to let it out.

I cried for no apparent reason.
is it because what my dad said?
i shouldn't care. but i know i should!
(yup, money. atikah, REMEMBER to pay them back!! EVERY CENT!!)
but not to a point of crying.

stupid atikah. ERRRGHHHH!!!!!

and just now at work.
just as i was ready to finish up my work. NAK BALIK DAH OIIII!
the printer wont print!!!
just 3 pages for crying out LOUD!
suddenly NOW it doesnt want to work.

stupid printer!!

Thank god, I'm a clever b***h.
changed a few setting. and the printer prints!
sheesssshhhh!

o ya, my title.
its true you know.
alaa.. like the term;
"sometimes you're up.
sometimes you're down."
its how you see it. i guess.

this time, i want to see it in a negative way.
please let me be negative/frown/throws a tantrum/scream/curse JUST for a day.
PLEASE!

heck, i'm gonna do it. its my life right?


one more.
Dear friends, (especially Tai C,L, Cheong S.Y, Daniel)
Happy Chinese New Year!
Year of the Ox. but don't drink too much X.O.
LOL.




STOP THE WAR!!
STOP THE KILLINGS!!

internship

tomorrow will be day 1 of 10-week internship program.

shivers me spine thinking.
but will somehow be optimistic.

EVERYTHING will go well.

hai~
pray for me! X3

to straight things out

i'm ok.

like i said before, it was all paranoia..
hmm..
women with their ability to think too far..
can sometimes leads to destruction..

but..

its not over yet.

paranoia

ok. finished muet just a week ago.
i think i did ok. hahahahaha!
why? i guess its been a loooong time since i answered multiple choice questions.
a bit slow. in choosing. *nervous laugh*

*WARNING*
these thoughts are just thoughts, not more than a selfish brat expressing what she feels at the moment.. this will subside. eventually. hah!
proceed at own risk.

lately.
ive becoming more and more paranoid.
talked with my "sahabat" (die tak bg panggil best friend, "sbb laki n pompuan tak leh jd best friends." whatev, syg gak die.)
anyways, i talked to him bout this problem of mine.
and you know what he said?
he too had this problem when he was in a relationship before.
the weird thing is, this is coming from a guy. a guy being paranoid.
its just unreal.

to me.
1. (most) guys are not sensitive.
2. they do not think of their girls' feeling (if they have one that is.)
3. they only think of themselves first. then what/whoevers on the list.
4. they spend ONLY for themselves FIRST. and IF they have some to spare, then only they will spend on you. but that happen after he debated with himself whether its worth it spending on you.
5. they will use what ever excuse to get away.
6. they said that girls are complicated.
7. they break promises and gets away with it.


haha.
am i too nagative?
i know i cant label all male homosapiens like that. but.
theres a but!

i know a few guys who are nice.
who respect women.
who are aware and sensitive of their surroundings.
who know what to do with their lives.
had planned everything in order. if it doesnt happen, they'll make it happen.
who are not perverts.
who knows how to be a gentleman without faking it.

but sayang. these few guys are all taken.
or. i havent found him yet.
haha.

so women are complicated creatures?
we think more than we should?

well.. i think that can be applied from person to person.
but.
i guess. im one of the paranoias. sigh.


please tell me how to get reed this disease.

attachments

attachments.
is it good for u?
does it gives u strengths to go on with life?
are family attachments?
friends?
boy/girlfriends?
car?
house?
job?

but sometimes we need to let go. (not all of them)
in order to be better.

need to let go.
but couldn't.
just couldn't.

yes. it will be very painful.
but one needs to think of the future.
will it be as one would planned?

will this chemistry last forever.
after years.
it will fade.
then, how we would to let go that easily?
this kind of attachment IS bad.

therefore, how do YOU let go?
after knowing each other all these years so well it annoys you?
u just cant let go THAT easily..

attachment.
it'll give u guilt.
for you will hurt that person when u made that decision to leave.
u will feel regret.
for you will be asking yourself, why did u made that initial step to be close with that person in the first place.

the good thing bout attachments.
it'll give u a sense of security.
that you have achieved the target u planned for.

this is shallow.
i need to let go.
but i still dont know.

Money Money Money Moooooney!

trying as much as possible to finish this work.
but at the same time glad that i got to learn something that is.. interesting.
something that i took for granted before.

havent talked bout raya..
ahaha. raya is about to end.
and this year is the least amount of time i spent celebrating it.
with not getting yet my baju raya. and visited lil number of open house(s).
raya is just not that kind of raya anymore. (well this year that is..)
lets see.. less than 10? no. 5 (open houses).
yes..
does visiting cousins and 2nd cousins count?
i guess..
the only friend's open house i went was anim's.
pathetic.
this time, the raya mood has been turned off.
as u aged, it gets less interesting.
but mayb petrol got to do with it.
it has gotten waaayy up, then went down juuuuust a little, then went down again..
the government is trying their hardest to please the ppl they fooled.
but still.
everything is getting expensive.
recession is coming. or.. its already arrived.

ahaha.. what happen from raya to recession?
money.
its all about the money.
u cant live without money.
same as u cant live without air, food, family, friends, love, internet, blogs, etc.
money IS happiness.
in order for me to write on this blog, requires a laptop, internet connection, wireless router laptop cooler, electricity.
and that entails quite a big some of money.
and im trying to learn/understand on how to expand it instead of finishing it. XD

in the future, whereby it WILL happen.
i will be sleeping on beds of money.
where at times i'd say, "i dont care how much it costs, just buy it!"