internship

tomorrow will be day 1 of 10-week internship program.

shivers me spine thinking.
but will somehow be optimistic.

EVERYTHING will go well.

hai~
pray for me! X3

selfish

children can be selfish.

why?

we rebel when parents trying to protect us.
we don't listen when they give advices.
we talk back when at times we shouldn't
we sigh when they asked us a few favors.
we make faces when they starts to bebel.


parents. on the other hand.

tried their hardest to give whats best.
never get tired of us.
just had to give advices wishing that we won't make mistakes like they did.
just want to protect their "babies".


but sometimes these never-tiring-love could lead to suffocation.

a suffocation that we should bare and appreciate.
and never take for granted.

run, stop, relax.

something we are so use to doing, suddenly stop.
what should we do?

will we be running amok?
will everything go haywire?

perhaps we should slow down and look at the rainbow.
right after the rain.
perhaps we should stop and feel the light breeze.
of a calm evening.

it will be hard at first but please.
dont be despair.
everything will work out eventually.

What's for dinner?

today, my dad had to cook dinner.
its not something new. really.
coz my dad and i usually cook dinner when mom went outstation.

but today i wasn't at home.
so i wouldn't know what had happen while i was away.
by the time i got home, everyone had already eaten dinner.
then i took a look what was on the dinner table.
waaaaaaaahh!! kuah ikan masak kicap! ni first time abah masak ni!
i said to myself.
but nenek told me that abah cooked while he was on the phone.
waaa.. my multi-tasker-daddy!
hehehehe..

what's amazing was.
for the first time i tasted kuah ikan masak kicap plus (see the boldness of the word) asam!
yes! kuah kicap rase asam!
hahahahaa!!
coz we all know, its either manis or masin. right?
and that what my dad cooked.
kuah ikan (tongkol a.k.a tuna) masak kicap campur asam keping. XD

heres how our conversation went
me: daddy! sedap la ikan masak kicap abah tu!! (tahan gelak)
abah: ye ke? tapiii.... abah rase ade kurang laa.. macam something was off.
me: hahahahahaaha!! mesti la! abah letak asam keping!!! XDD *gelak gelak gelak*
abah: HAHAHAAHAHAHA!!
me: camne abah buat actually? *still laughing*
abah: i tgk tv, on how to make ikan masak kicap BUT! it was steam.
tapi i buat kuah la. the steps were the same.
mula-mula, letak la ape patut. Like, bawang putih, besar, oyster sauce, kicap, ikan.
then.. bile nk abis2 tu.. rase macam ade yang tak cukup.
macam manis jee..
i menyampuk: ehh.. daddy! its either manis or masin laa.. kan? *gelak lagi*
abah: ha? yeke? hahahaha!! whatever la, abah terus letak asam keping!!
*we both laughed hard!*

the weird thing is, its kinda..... sedap?
i'm an asam freak, so kuah asam, asam pedas, tom yam, anything masam and pedas, i can eat all day, all night.
so maybe my judgment is kinda bias. :P

the side dishes were..
sliced fresh tomato (acted as the ulam/sayur), and sambal. that's it!
yup.
macam makanan bujang. hahaha!!
well, kinda. since my mom pergi outstation.

so here is the dinner my dearest dad made~ XD

innocent looking kuah kicap

XD *i cant help it!*

the "salad"

the sambal. err.. whats left of it XD

abah.. abah..

to straight things out

i'm ok.

like i said before, it was all paranoia..
hmm..
women with their ability to think too far..
can sometimes leads to destruction..

but..

its not over yet.

paranoia

ok. finished muet just a week ago.
i think i did ok. hahahahaha!
why? i guess its been a loooong time since i answered multiple choice questions.
a bit slow. in choosing. *nervous laugh*

*WARNING*
these thoughts are just thoughts, not more than a selfish brat expressing what she feels at the moment.. this will subside. eventually. hah!
proceed at own risk.

lately.
ive becoming more and more paranoid.
talked with my "sahabat" (die tak bg panggil best friend, "sbb laki n pompuan tak leh jd best friends." whatev, syg gak die.)
anyways, i talked to him bout this problem of mine.
and you know what he said?
he too had this problem when he was in a relationship before.
the weird thing is, this is coming from a guy. a guy being paranoid.
its just unreal.

to me.
1. (most) guys are not sensitive.
2. they do not think of their girls' feeling (if they have one that is.)
3. they only think of themselves first. then what/whoevers on the list.
4. they spend ONLY for themselves FIRST. and IF they have some to spare, then only they will spend on you. but that happen after he debated with himself whether its worth it spending on you.
5. they will use what ever excuse to get away.
6. they said that girls are complicated.
7. they break promises and gets away with it.


haha.
am i too nagative?
i know i cant label all male homosapiens like that. but.
theres a but!

i know a few guys who are nice.
who respect women.
who are aware and sensitive of their surroundings.
who know what to do with their lives.
had planned everything in order. if it doesnt happen, they'll make it happen.
who are not perverts.
who knows how to be a gentleman without faking it.

but sayang. these few guys are all taken.
or. i havent found him yet.
haha.

so women are complicated creatures?
we think more than we should?

well.. i think that can be applied from person to person.
but.
i guess. im one of the paranoias. sigh.


please tell me how to get reed this disease.

finished speaking! XD

yes! finished with the speaking test!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!


arrived at venue at 11am.
saw a few people waiting outside.
so we were asked to go into a room called the Quarantine Room.
There we will wait for our turn to "speak".
The room was dead silent when the examiner came in.

First group of four was called at 11.30 am.
at 12.10pm, the second group.
the 3rd group at 12.50pm.
I was put in the last group as Candidate A.

by 12pm i was already bored and sleepy.
slept for a while. *sempat mimpi kot!* hahahaha!
1.30pm. the examiner lady came in.
at last! our turn came.

anxious. yes thats the word to describe.
why? imagine this.
you are about to sit for an exam which you didnt even study for.

but. like everyone said.
easy peasy lemon squeezy japanesey.
well.. it was kinda.
what ever it is, you have to be interactive and active,
and i did!

it only last for....
15/20 minutes.
but the wait was too long. *blah!*


will be sitting for reading, writing and listening this saturday.
wish me luck! again. ;P
*thanx to everyone who wished me luck! it lighten the nervous a bit.. :D*

MUET

will be seating for MUET tomorrow and on saturday.
ive found this site. which provided an overview of whats coming.
and get this!
this October/November 2008 intake will be the 1st batch for a newly revised, test specification.
sigh~
theres even a comparison table.
looks better tho. the new specs.
but the 4 tests remain the same.
they are: Listening, Speaking, Reading and Writing.

just pray that everything will go well tomorrow and saturday.

i usually get butterflies in my stomach when it comes to exams.
especially national exams. XD
*chuak je lebih*
a lot of people had said that its easy.
but i shouldnt be taking this lightly.
however, right now, i am.
hahaha!

tomorrow, should be there before 11 am.
speaking test.
wish me luck~

5-year-old me

so i went out with my Along (mom's eldest sis) to teman her to celcom.
to subscribe data line for broadband.
the counter girl thought that Along was my mom. XD

finished with that went home.
ate brunch from food we bought at multimedia college at gurney/jln semarak.
i had to teach my aunt on how to use the laptop.
i tell u, now i kinda understand how a teacher feels.
to teach something new to ppl who are clueless in the first place.
such great patient is definitely needed!

anyway, while we were relaxing.
my aunt asked me.
Along: Atikah ingat tak lg mase along duk atas rumah nenek?
Me: ingat. nape? akah suke naik and look at u making kain batik.
Along: taaakk! bukan mase tu! time tu hang dah besaq dah.. rasenya time atikah duk budak2 lagi. dalam umoq 5-6 tahun kot.
Me: ha?? O_O bile tu? tak ingat langsung! yeke? hehehehe.. atikah wat pe?
Along: along duk make up hang la. umi macam tak suka time tu.. tiba2 turun umah, ade lipstick kat bibiq hang, bedak satu muka. kadang2 teruih mandi kat atas. comeyyy tul hang dulu2.
suka naik ataih. tok chak duk tanya, "apaa lah hang wat kat atikah sampai wardah duk bising2 ni?" takda pa lah! duk make up sket2 je.. along jawab. hahahahaha!!
Me: ha?! hahahahaha!! tul ke?
Along: Ade 1 time tu, mak dik suh potong siket rambut atikah. sebab dia bilang kacau mata. ok la, along potong. Hang duk senyap2, tak gerak langsung! bila along cakap nanti jadi lawa! hahahahaha!! duk senyaaapp je. lepah tu, teruih hang pegang cermin tak mau lepah. hahahaha!! Sayang tak ambil gambaq.
Me: ha? yeke? tp atikah mmg ngada siket. suke melawa mase kecik dulu. malu la kalo ade gambaq!
Along: Awatnye malu?! hang kicik lagi! tapi tu la. hang je yg suka naik ataih punnn.. Along layan je hang. hahaha.. Hang pun suka!!


hahahahahahahaha!!!
who would've thought.
she remembered me at that age. im gald she told me.
happy!

attachments

attachments.
is it good for u?
does it gives u strengths to go on with life?
are family attachments?
friends?
boy/girlfriends?
car?
house?
job?

but sometimes we need to let go. (not all of them)
in order to be better.

need to let go.
but couldn't.
just couldn't.

yes. it will be very painful.
but one needs to think of the future.
will it be as one would planned?

will this chemistry last forever.
after years.
it will fade.
then, how we would to let go that easily?
this kind of attachment IS bad.

therefore, how do YOU let go?
after knowing each other all these years so well it annoys you?
u just cant let go THAT easily..

attachment.
it'll give u guilt.
for you will hurt that person when u made that decision to leave.
u will feel regret.
for you will be asking yourself, why did u made that initial step to be close with that person in the first place.

the good thing bout attachments.
it'll give u a sense of security.
that you have achieved the target u planned for.

this is shallow.
i need to let go.
but i still dont know.