internship

tomorrow will be day 1 of 10-week internship program.

shivers me spine thinking.
but will somehow be optimistic.

EVERYTHING will go well.

hai~
pray for me! X3

selfish

children can be selfish.

why?

we rebel when parents trying to protect us.
we don't listen when they give advices.
we talk back when at times we shouldn't
we sigh when they asked us a few favors.
we make faces when they starts to bebel.


parents. on the other hand.

tried their hardest to give whats best.
never get tired of us.
just had to give advices wishing that we won't make mistakes like they did.
just want to protect their "babies".


but sometimes these never-tiring-love could lead to suffocation.

a suffocation that we should bare and appreciate.
and never take for granted.

run, stop, relax.

something we are so use to doing, suddenly stop.
what should we do?

will we be running amok?
will everything go haywire?

perhaps we should slow down and look at the rainbow.
right after the rain.
perhaps we should stop and feel the light breeze.
of a calm evening.

it will be hard at first but please.
dont be despair.
everything will work out eventually.

What's for dinner?

today, my dad had to cook dinner.
its not something new. really.
coz my dad and i usually cook dinner when mom went outstation.

but today i wasn't at home.
so i wouldn't know what had happen while i was away.
by the time i got home, everyone had already eaten dinner.
then i took a look what was on the dinner table.
waaaaaaaahh!! kuah ikan masak kicap! ni first time abah masak ni!
i said to myself.
but nenek told me that abah cooked while he was on the phone.
waaa.. my multi-tasker-daddy!
hehehehe..

what's amazing was.
for the first time i tasted kuah ikan masak kicap plus (see the boldness of the word) asam!
yes! kuah kicap rase asam!
hahahahaa!!
coz we all know, its either manis or masin. right?
and that what my dad cooked.
kuah ikan (tongkol a.k.a tuna) masak kicap campur asam keping. XD

heres how our conversation went
me: daddy! sedap la ikan masak kicap abah tu!! (tahan gelak)
abah: ye ke? tapiii.... abah rase ade kurang laa.. macam something was off.
me: hahahahahaaha!! mesti la! abah letak asam keping!!! XDD *gelak gelak gelak*
abah: HAHAHAAHAHAHA!!
me: camne abah buat actually? *still laughing*
abah: i tgk tv, on how to make ikan masak kicap BUT! it was steam.
tapi i buat kuah la. the steps were the same.
mula-mula, letak la ape patut. Like, bawang putih, besar, oyster sauce, kicap, ikan.
then.. bile nk abis2 tu.. rase macam ade yang tak cukup.
macam manis jee..
i menyampuk: ehh.. daddy! its either manis or masin laa.. kan? *gelak lagi*
abah: ha? yeke? hahahaha!! whatever la, abah terus letak asam keping!!
*we both laughed hard!*

the weird thing is, its kinda..... sedap?
i'm an asam freak, so kuah asam, asam pedas, tom yam, anything masam and pedas, i can eat all day, all night.
so maybe my judgment is kinda bias. :P

the side dishes were..
sliced fresh tomato (acted as the ulam/sayur), and sambal. that's it!
yup.
macam makanan bujang. hahaha!!
well, kinda. since my mom pergi outstation.

so here is the dinner my dearest dad made~ XD

innocent looking kuah kicap

XD *i cant help it!*

the "salad"

the sambal. err.. whats left of it XD

abah.. abah..

to straight things out

i'm ok.

like i said before, it was all paranoia..
hmm..
women with their ability to think too far..
can sometimes leads to destruction..

but..

its not over yet.

paranoia

ok. finished muet just a week ago.
i think i did ok. hahahahaha!
why? i guess its been a loooong time since i answered multiple choice questions.
a bit slow. in choosing. *nervous laugh*

*WARNING*
these thoughts are just thoughts, not more than a selfish brat expressing what she feels at the moment.. this will subside. eventually. hah!
proceed at own risk.

lately.
ive becoming more and more paranoid.
talked with my "sahabat" (die tak bg panggil best friend, "sbb laki n pompuan tak leh jd best friends." whatev, syg gak die.)
anyways, i talked to him bout this problem of mine.
and you know what he said?
he too had this problem when he was in a relationship before.
the weird thing is, this is coming from a guy. a guy being paranoid.
its just unreal.

to me.
1. (most) guys are not sensitive.
2. they do not think of their girls' feeling (if they have one that is.)
3. they only think of themselves first. then what/whoevers on the list.
4. they spend ONLY for themselves FIRST. and IF they have some to spare, then only they will spend on you. but that happen after he debated with himself whether its worth it spending on you.
5. they will use what ever excuse to get away.
6. they said that girls are complicated.
7. they break promises and gets away with it.


haha.
am i too nagative?
i know i cant label all male homosapiens like that. but.
theres a but!

i know a few guys who are nice.
who respect women.
who are aware and sensitive of their surroundings.
who know what to do with their lives.
had planned everything in order. if it doesnt happen, they'll make it happen.
who are not perverts.
who knows how to be a gentleman without faking it.

but sayang. these few guys are all taken.
or. i havent found him yet.
haha.

so women are complicated creatures?
we think more than we should?

well.. i think that can be applied from person to person.
but.
i guess. im one of the paranoias. sigh.


please tell me how to get reed this disease.

finished speaking! XD

yes! finished with the speaking test!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!


arrived at venue at 11am.
saw a few people waiting outside.
so we were asked to go into a room called the Quarantine Room.
There we will wait for our turn to "speak".
The room was dead silent when the examiner came in.

First group of four was called at 11.30 am.
at 12.10pm, the second group.
the 3rd group at 12.50pm.
I was put in the last group as Candidate A.

by 12pm i was already bored and sleepy.
slept for a while. *sempat mimpi kot!* hahahaha!
1.30pm. the examiner lady came in.
at last! our turn came.

anxious. yes thats the word to describe.
why? imagine this.
you are about to sit for an exam which you didnt even study for.

but. like everyone said.
easy peasy lemon squeezy japanesey.
well.. it was kinda.
what ever it is, you have to be interactive and active,
and i did!

it only last for....
15/20 minutes.
but the wait was too long. *blah!*


will be sitting for reading, writing and listening this saturday.
wish me luck! again. ;P
*thanx to everyone who wished me luck! it lighten the nervous a bit.. :D*

MUET

will be seating for MUET tomorrow and on saturday.
ive found this site. which provided an overview of whats coming.
and get this!
this October/November 2008 intake will be the 1st batch for a newly revised, test specification.
sigh~
theres even a comparison table.
looks better tho. the new specs.
but the 4 tests remain the same.
they are: Listening, Speaking, Reading and Writing.

just pray that everything will go well tomorrow and saturday.

i usually get butterflies in my stomach when it comes to exams.
especially national exams. XD
*chuak je lebih*
a lot of people had said that its easy.
but i shouldnt be taking this lightly.
however, right now, i am.
hahaha!

tomorrow, should be there before 11 am.
speaking test.
wish me luck~

5-year-old me

so i went out with my Along (mom's eldest sis) to teman her to celcom.
to subscribe data line for broadband.
the counter girl thought that Along was my mom. XD

finished with that went home.
ate brunch from food we bought at multimedia college at gurney/jln semarak.
i had to teach my aunt on how to use the laptop.
i tell u, now i kinda understand how a teacher feels.
to teach something new to ppl who are clueless in the first place.
such great patient is definitely needed!

anyway, while we were relaxing.
my aunt asked me.
Along: Atikah ingat tak lg mase along duk atas rumah nenek?
Me: ingat. nape? akah suke naik and look at u making kain batik.
Along: taaakk! bukan mase tu! time tu hang dah besaq dah.. rasenya time atikah duk budak2 lagi. dalam umoq 5-6 tahun kot.
Me: ha?? O_O bile tu? tak ingat langsung! yeke? hehehehe.. atikah wat pe?
Along: along duk make up hang la. umi macam tak suka time tu.. tiba2 turun umah, ade lipstick kat bibiq hang, bedak satu muka. kadang2 teruih mandi kat atas. comeyyy tul hang dulu2.
suka naik ataih. tok chak duk tanya, "apaa lah hang wat kat atikah sampai wardah duk bising2 ni?" takda pa lah! duk make up sket2 je.. along jawab. hahahahaha!!
Me: ha?! hahahahaha!! tul ke?
Along: Ade 1 time tu, mak dik suh potong siket rambut atikah. sebab dia bilang kacau mata. ok la, along potong. Hang duk senyap2, tak gerak langsung! bila along cakap nanti jadi lawa! hahahahaha!! duk senyaaapp je. lepah tu, teruih hang pegang cermin tak mau lepah. hahahaha!! Sayang tak ambil gambaq.
Me: ha? yeke? tp atikah mmg ngada siket. suke melawa mase kecik dulu. malu la kalo ade gambaq!
Along: Awatnye malu?! hang kicik lagi! tapi tu la. hang je yg suka naik ataih punnn.. Along layan je hang. hahaha.. Hang pun suka!!


hahahahahahahaha!!!
who would've thought.
she remembered me at that age. im gald she told me.
happy!

attachments

attachments.
is it good for u?
does it gives u strengths to go on with life?
are family attachments?
friends?
boy/girlfriends?
car?
house?
job?

but sometimes we need to let go. (not all of them)
in order to be better.

need to let go.
but couldn't.
just couldn't.

yes. it will be very painful.
but one needs to think of the future.
will it be as one would planned?

will this chemistry last forever.
after years.
it will fade.
then, how we would to let go that easily?
this kind of attachment IS bad.

therefore, how do YOU let go?
after knowing each other all these years so well it annoys you?
u just cant let go THAT easily..

attachment.
it'll give u guilt.
for you will hurt that person when u made that decision to leave.
u will feel regret.
for you will be asking yourself, why did u made that initial step to be close with that person in the first place.

the good thing bout attachments.
it'll give u a sense of security.
that you have achieved the target u planned for.

this is shallow.
i need to let go.
but i still dont know.

Money Money Money Moooooney!

trying as much as possible to finish this work.
but at the same time glad that i got to learn something that is.. interesting.
something that i took for granted before.

havent talked bout raya..
ahaha. raya is about to end.
and this year is the least amount of time i spent celebrating it.
with not getting yet my baju raya. and visited lil number of open house(s).
raya is just not that kind of raya anymore. (well this year that is..)
lets see.. less than 10? no. 5 (open houses).
yes..
does visiting cousins and 2nd cousins count?
i guess..
the only friend's open house i went was anim's.
pathetic.
this time, the raya mood has been turned off.
as u aged, it gets less interesting.
but mayb petrol got to do with it.
it has gotten waaayy up, then went down juuuuust a little, then went down again..
the government is trying their hardest to please the ppl they fooled.
but still.
everything is getting expensive.
recession is coming. or.. its already arrived.

ahaha.. what happen from raya to recession?
money.
its all about the money.
u cant live without money.
same as u cant live without air, food, family, friends, love, internet, blogs, etc.
money IS happiness.
in order for me to write on this blog, requires a laptop, internet connection, wireless router laptop cooler, electricity.
and that entails quite a big some of money.
and im trying to learn/understand on how to expand it instead of finishing it. XD

in the future, whereby it WILL happen.
i will be sleeping on beds of money.
where at times i'd say, "i dont care how much it costs, just buy it!"

Friends?

Recent events have led me to write these thoughts.
Could also be my insecurities.


Friends.
Pal.
Buddy.
Companion.
Acquaintance.
Comrade.
Ally.
Associate.
These are the synonyms from the word "friend".

Sometimes you can’t live without them
Sometimes you just can’t stand them!
Sometimes you need them.
Sometimes you just don’t want them at all!

We become close because of time spent together.
Because of space that was provided to us.
Because of enjoying one's company.

But sometimes it can be annoying.
With one’s attitude, habits and actions.

But we still need them.
We still need their company.

What for?

To feel secure that you have something/someone to lean on?
To hate? To look down upon? To envy? Or to admire?

Backstabbing, misunderstanding, badmouthing
Are the little things I hate that maybe tagged along “friendship”
Not to say I am clean from it.
But will try hard not to succumb to it easily.

Seeing people got hurt because of friends.
Because of trusting so easily and got hurt so hard.
Losing the care and love.
Sometimes its even harder than losing a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Yes. Because of those terms:
“Friends forever”
“Friends for life”

And when these ties were broken based on misunderstanding, envious or just because.
It hurts as bad as being shot/stab at the chest for times can’t be counted.

Name calling will be one of the things happen after “the break”

Amazing how people can change when they have "allies".
Not just from good to bad,
But also from bad to good.

Friends are influences.
In life.
In making choices.

Even though one is not close.

Then what about peer pressure?
What about it?
Trying to please/impress a certain crowd.
Trying to meet their “requirements” to be associated with them?
For self-assurance of acceptance?
Then, i guess. Friends could be peer pressure?

But there ARE friendship that lasts a lifetime.
That gives one the strength to stay alive.
That gives the support they need.
To be happy.
So.. Friend is power?
Love?

I’ve seen best friends become enemies. That lastly hates each others guts.
But then there’s enemies who becomes soul mates. Who accepts one's weaknesses and strengths and compromised.
And total strangers understood one another for a cause they believed in.

The course of meeting, understanding and caring could be short.
Could take a whole life.
But if one wants the friendship to last.
One has to work for it. Nurture it. Trust it.
Or.
Not.

Then again.
What IS friend?

blissful days

Updating for the hiatus time i was in.

Got back from Shah Alam today!! ^O^/

15th October was my very last paper for degree.
after this, has to be ready for internship in december.
that night, went to red box, sunway for karaoke and tension-release.
till got no voice to sing.
but someone managed to maintain her voice throughout the night.
amazing i tell you..
AND still hyper after sending me off. i was already dreaming of my pillow..
*kudos to my BFF for being soo energetic! YAY~* XD

16th October
went to sunway pyramid (again!)
for a movie instead.
watched my favourite actor, Shia LeBouf's latest movie.
Eagle Eye.
towards the end, its kinda predictable but still.
Love this movie. and him. ;P (his 22 this year by the way. same age!)
Cant wait for transformer 2! ♥

17th was a lade back/lazy day for me.
didnt even start packing for kl.
thought to self, will do it tonight.

17th/18th late night/early morning (respectively) starts packing for kl.
nothing much. compared to my other housemates' stuff and clothes and such.. XD

18th afternoon/evening waited for mom to pick me up.
wore baju kurung thinking that we would go to an open house but..
today, the baju kurung was not fully utilized.
anyhooo..
at 4.30/5pm we started moving.
on the way home, talked bout this and that and bla bla bla..
and lastly decided to have dinner out with the family.
it has been a very long time since we went out and have dinner as a family and especially on weekends. (since kl being jam and all on weekends)

As usual, kl was jammed as ever.
thank God, with the power of attraction and optimism we managed to settle things and proceed with the plan. ^^v
"things will go well when we want it to be.."
Went to Tony Romas at Pavilion.
The route to go there was stressful if you cant control your anger.
Alhamdulillah nobody was in that kind of foul mood.
Everyone was happy.
and I was in pure bliss when my family is happy.
plus my parents were being all ♥lovey dovey♥. XD
i've never seen this in public before, at home yes (to the extend of puking) but not in public.
i was like, awwwwww... so sweet. *geram!!* XP

took lotsa pictures of the food we ordered.
will update on the photos when my sister uploads it soon.

Mom was hilarious, Dad was being funny with the peace-signs al over.
Plus thess two "berebut" to finish their sudokus first before the other while waiting for our food to come..
The starter was jusssttt nice.
The meat was amazing~~~
Umi ordered 5 bountiful (world's famous) ribs. Yes 5.
but she managed to finish only 2 and half while the rest was given to us and "tapau"-ed.
So cute the way my mom ate those ribs. Sungguh bersemangat!!! XD
(will post them soon enough! ;) the photos.)

Had a great day.
I guess, i woke up on the right side of the bed. :D
Till then, bye for now. ;)

B.B.Q

29th September 2008.
Is the day that..
Makes me remember why I love my family and KL.
Makes me remember why I love my high school years and friends.

My dear friends from high school made a small/mini reunion/gathering.
Or shall we say, a farewell majlis for our dear friend ajea.
He will be going to Taiwan to continue studying/work in design THIS 30th September 2008!
I guess he will be raya-ing there. Poor boy.
But you know, good opportunity doesn't come easily.
I'm glad he decided to go.
Best of luck WAN FAZIL!! ;)

Anyways, let me tell how it went. The whole day went.
My day started late. -___-;;
I'll just start from the time we buka puasa.
The day before, my mom, eldest sister and I decided that today we will go for terawih.
And so, at 8pm we went to our neighbourhood masjid, Muadz bin Jabal Masjid.
Went for a 12 rakaat, and read the Quran for a bit.
Got back home at 10pm.
As we were on our way back home, we past by a night market?
It is like a mini uptown? Setiawangsa-ians called the bacK Lane. (noticed the K and L being capitals? Good idea huh? Instead of the standard uptown.)
BacK Lane opens only Friday till Sunday and starts from 10.30/11pm till morning I guess.
(It's I'm doing a promotion or something. XD)

So we decided to go home and change. Just to see whats there.
Bile lagi kan? My mom and sis said.
Ya.. Bile lagi.. kn? :) Smiled to myself.

Nothing looks interesting enough for me though.
Mom bought a pair of shoes worth rm20!
An original Marie Claire from Bata. Original price was rm89.90.
Imagine that. What a bargain yo~ XD
And she also bought a baju melayu for my brother. A white one. At rm25!
Another bargain! XD

Anyhoo..
Thinking nobody will call me and me not having pockets,
I didn't bring anything. Even my handphones.
So after jalan-jalan at the bacK Lane, arrived home at 11.30pm.
Checked my handphones.
Maxis, 3 miss calls and 1 messege.
Digi, 5 miss calls and 1 messege.
I was like eeeehhh..?? Sape yang call banyak-banyak ni?
Those miss calls were from Fadhli, Amar and a messege from Lydia.
All were from 10.30pm.
And so I messeged them back.
Fadhli immediately called back.
Saying that Ikhwan is holding a bbq, a small gathering for ajea.
Since he is going to Taiwan and all.
To my surprise, my parents let me go as long as I follow the curfew.
HAPPINESS. \^o^/

The food was great too! Had chicken and beef.
Cooked well. :D
Ahh.. The meeting of familiar faces brings back memories..
So here are the pictures of my happiness. ;)

Raya is just around the corner.
So I would like to take this opportunity to wish every Muslim a joyous Eid-ul-Fitr surrounded with humbleness and keinsafan.
And not to forgot, maaf zahir batin sincerely from the heart. ;)

Djendela

At last a forth post.
Been neglecting to update.
Yup.. Short attention span syndrome.
I guess.. Thats why I have 4 blogs. XD

Sigh~

Anyways, had promised myself to update this blog within this week.
As this blog is about happiness,
I'd like to share my lil own happiness. Current obsession to be exact.
No.. This time its not about Arashi.
I got another blog to handle that fandom. XD

My lil own happiness for now is random picture taking.
With other people/anything interesting as my subjects.
Especially Sabrina. XD
As she had said so herself,
"semua gamba aku muke lain2 dan muke aku lain dari gamba"
That is kinda true. XD took lots of candid photos of her but she got pissed at me. :S
Since I got a 2 mega pixel camera phone. Nothing can stop me! *insert evil laugh here* >:D

On September 13th 2008.
My friends (sabrina, nurul and yana) and I went for a buka puasa.
At first I think we were headed to a well-known restaurant (forgot it's name).
Then our attention was caught by this all-white-corner-lot restaurant called
Djendela.
Out of curiosity and excitement for a new place, we went there instead. ^^v


Quite a surprise for me, the restaurant was empty!
In my opinion, they had a great concept. An all white Malaysian food?
But I guess, its a new restaurant.. They have a long way to go.

The atmosphere and the evening breeze gave a very good first impression.
As we settled down and looking at the menu, I asked 1 of it's waiter,
"Dah lame buka?" (soalan buffer XD)
"Baru 2 minggu."
"Oohh.. Err.. Kedai memang kosong ke?" (straight to the point. oops! tak tapis plak~)
"Takde la, semalam penuh!"
"Ooohh.. Wow~ Ok.." (dalam hati: nanti penuh la ni..)

But..
15 minutes before buka: Us girls
Azan for buka: Us girls
15 minutes after buka: Us girls
Half an hour after buka: Us girls
Heading home: Us girls.

Even though there was 1 table "reserved", no one came..
*bunyi cengkerik*
Talked to myself while nodding, "hmm.. mane penuhnye..?"

The food was alright. A bit pricey for my taste.
Pity, the menu has little variety.
But as the waiter claimed, this menu will be used only during Ramadhan.
Nonetheless, we had a good time taking pictures.

At least we got to experience once-in-a-lifetime 1st class/VIP treatment from a new restaurant.
:D

Mirror

Had fun today. Took some good pictures of my subjects (sabrina and friends ^^)
But little work has been done. -___-;; adoi..

Yes.. yet another poem by yours truly.
An old one too.
Let me explain a bit.
This time, the poem is about..
Something that you see everyday.
Something that you use everyday.
Something that you can't live without.
And no, its not air. Its a thing. *duh!* XD

ok..
Enough with the suspense already.
I bring you:


Mirror by Atikah Ansari, 18th January 2006

Mirror..

does it portrays the truest beauty that one could have
or does it portrays one unusual behaviour..?

does it resembles one’s mightiest affection
or does it resembles one’s weakest defection..?

does it shows the sad feeling, the pain and the disappointment in one’s eyes
or does it only shows the beautiful colours of one’s eyes..?

does it flaunts one’s amazing personalities and characteristics
or does it only flaunts one’s outer district..?

does it reveals one’s darkest secret that only one can hold
or does it reveals only one’s ability to cover with lies and fraud..?

does it tells one’s deepest secrets
or does it tells one’s biggest heartiest regrets..?

does it shows one’s mission to be among the greatest
or does it shows one’s great faith..?

does it portrays one’s sole ambition
or does it portrays one’s inner devastations..?

does it shows one’s perfect happiness
or does it shows one’s incredibly heart-felt sadness..?

mirror..

a perfect disguise to distract oneself..
a perfect tool to fool anyone..
the perfect approach to face the truth
the perfect illusion..

a question of liability
a question of honesty
a question of predictability
a question of curiosity..

or is it just only a reflection of the one who beholds it..?
that can only be the truth as its only a reflection..

Ya.. Very amateur-ish. XD
Actually my inspiration for this is quite simple.
Just a mere mirror. ahaha..
I love mirrors, don't get me wrong.
But it got me thinking of what it's main purpose.
What it really does to people..

So what do think of mirrors after this?
Does it really resembles you?

Untitled

Bismillah~

Second entry~ *throw confetti*
Although my header screams Happiness is Here, I don't think my recent posts are about happiness. Yet. >.< style="font-style: italic;">happiness. ^^

Okay then, my second copy-pasting series.
A poem yet again. ^^;
This maybe my last one?

BUT!! Be warned! The following text has some major jiwang issue!!!!
Even I can't believe that I, wrote this one. Seriously!
But you know, I don't think I can write this sort of stuff anymore..
sigh~

Anyways, here it goes.
*brace oneselves*


Untitled by Atikah Ansari, 2nd January 2006

i knew i loved you..
from the moment i met you..
from the moment our eyes gazed upon each other..
on that very moment i know that we are destined to be together..

i must confess, its a sudden i know..
but i wouldnt say it if im not sure..
for you’re the only one that my heart fell for..
and that you are my happiness, my pain, my prized possession, my only treasure..

through the years we’ve been friends..
i could always rely on you for comfort, for security, for assurance..
as for now the right moment has arrived
for me to confess that..
you have my heart..

you have thought me the lessons of life..
how we both thrived..
to emerge and be the best we could be..
and that we can do anything n make it a reality..

all this time we talked about our dreams and goals..
to play such good and honourable roles..
whether in our daily lives or in the battlefield..
our destiny is to be fulfilled..

when and if we get to go through the gateways of heaven..
i can only say, life without you i cant imagine..
as for you are my sole compassion..
and my utmost alligence..

i want to express my deepest gratitude
for your most sincere atitude..
im thanking God for making me see
opening my eyes to many possibilities
and that He has led me to you as you are to me..

I KNOW! Jiwang karat tak boleh blah!! :O
LOL XD

What to do? This was written 2 years ago with me being naive and err... innocent? XD
Comments are welcome BUT, be gentle? Hehehe.. :D

I think there is another poem to be published just around the corner.
So watch out for it.
And no, its not jiwang karat!! XD
I guess its about what i was thinking at that moment.
Will explain more in the next post~

;)

posto no ichi

Bismillah.

Another blog to write on.
Right now, I have, in total, 4 blogs. Including this. XD
This time, I think I want to change my way of writing.
Or a change of air.
Or not. ^^;
You might ask yourself right about now, "why on earth would she has so many blogs?"
Well.. Its a question even I couldn't answer. LOL

Anyways, for this very first post and a few next to come, I will be just copy-pasting posts from my not-so-updated-well-no-longer-updated-blog-which-I'm-going-to-close-it-down.
There, i wrote quite a number of entries, even i was surprise at how many I have written. LOL.
Poems and rants about nothing.

This will be the first of many posts about my past skepticism, uncertainties on life or whatever there is to talk about.
So here goes. Originally from Atikah. *wink*

14 December 2005, Atikah Ansari

Confusingly I am happy with myself but at the same time I'm worried that I might somehow disappoint someone I care and love so dearly..
In the midst of a silent and dark night, I cried in my sleep..
I wept in my dreams even..
Though my dreams are forgettable but some could leave a very big impression on me..
Which at times made me think whether my actions are sincere,
Whether my intentions are correct and truthful or far from it..
I loved a lot of people in my past years and still am now very much care for these people but sometimes my bloody big ego gets in the way..
Making sure that I will not let my guard down even in front of my loved ones..
Sad isn't it? But it is in me..
I can't stop it but I may change it or go around it..
Hmm.. Just maybe I could..
But I am always thankful that these people managed to find my "coolness",
Managed to see that I'm not always hard,
Managed to love me even..
I am glad..
I am truly grateful..
I've been blessed with such gentle-hearted people..
Only God could repay such kindness..
I'm falling..
And will always fall..
But somehow I couldn't reach the ground..
Although it feels so near yet it seems as if getting there takes a life time..

I guess I should learn something from my "old" me?

As of now, this will be it.
Will continue copy-pasting from my other/old blog soon.

Till then, do take care.
The whether has been difficult? (being rainy/hot and all..)
O ya, did I mentioned that right now is Ramadhan?
The more for you to take care that health of yours ya? ;)